How to ask and get what you want.

This game is all about asking. Although prompts have been created for you here, and some of which may fulfill your desires, there are requests that you may have for your husband, wife, lover, mother, father, sister, friend, boss, etc, in everyday life. I’m going to give an example here for couples in a relationship, however the same principles apply in different contexts. We want to leave everyone involved satisfied, so we’ll demonstrate how to be clear with you ask, how to treat a yes, and how to wrestle with a no.

The key with your ask is to be specific, detailed and clear. This makes your request obvious so the receiver knows what you’d like, can please you, and ensures that you actually get what you want, and not some form of it or a missed interpretation of what they thought you wanted.

How do I ask? First, here’s how you don’t ask. “Would you show me more affection?” There is no specificity here or details for what you’d like to happen, when and how. Here’s how you would ask the same question effectively, “ When you come home from work on weeknights would you spend 15 minutes kissing and cuddling with me?” This is clear. It demonstrates a time of day, for how long, and what you’d like to happen that fulfill your desire for more affection.

Always give praise for your ask being met with a yes and executed with desirable action. This reinforces the behavior and is damn kind for someone who just did something to please you.

There is a chance you’ll get a NO. How do I meet my denied request? First, stay curious and keep the attention on them rather than worrying about what you did wrong or what you should have said instead. Ask, “How did it make you feel when I asked you about that?” Allow them to reveal themselves to why they said no, acknowledge and even approve of this, ask questions. For Example, they might have said to your request, “No. I give you plenty of affection and I’m tired after work!” You can said, “Ok, you already feel you give me plenty of affection and you’re tired after work, you must be exhausted.”

Second, discuss further. Ask yourself “What’s needed here?” ‘What will move us into a more collaborative place?” Keep asking questions and responding based on what you hear them say.

Have fun asking!